There is something of a joke amongst marriage and relationship therapists. Everyone we meet, regardless of what is going on in their marriage, just needs to improve their communication. Domestic Violence? Just help us improve our communication. Infidelity? Just help us improve our communication. Financial Issues? Just help us improve our communication. Criminal Enterprise? Just…
Media Monday is a series where I focus on something that I have created in another form of media. Be sure to check back every Monday for more posts. Improve every conversation by focusing on controlling what you say.
Then we try to soothe our pain. We try to soothe it by working out or making millions of dollars or getting involved in church. We try to outdo our shame, falsely believing that we can outrun it through activity. The net result becomes a heaping of shame on top of shame. Our activity does not do away with our shame; instead, it numbs our response to it. A numb soul tends to be numb to everything. This causes us to pick activities that keep us from connecting with someone else, which causes us to experience more shame.
Few people are actually chasing an affair at first, they are often chasing other things that lead to the affair. But few people, if they are honest with the themselves, will deny that they knew where it was heading when they jumped on the path.
If you saw yourself in any of these steps, I can’t encourage you enough to seek counseling.
Affairs are terrible storms that leave dark and deep swaths of destruction in their wake.
If we want to find true satisfaction, we will have to start with controlling the things we control and accepting the fact that we don’t control everything. Energy spent trying to control things we can’t control is energy wasted.
Here is my fourth YouTube offering. In this video, I explore the three steps for problem solving. So many couples get into trouble in their conversation because they end up trying to go directly to step #3. Watch the video below and let me know what you think. Thanks.
"We need to improve our communication." Sarah* When I asked her what that meant, she told me that she and her husband Ryan needed to be able to talk in a way that didn't lead to stress between them. I followed that question up with what made her think that their communication needed improvement. Ryan…
When stress enters the narratives of a relationship, people are often tempted to try and jump directly to problem solving. This is problematic because they are often not in the right place to effectively problem solve. Try the two steps listed below, first. Three Things that Every Healthy Couple Does: 1. De-escalate stress points. In…
The truth is your marriage, my friend’s marriage and my marriage is mortal. They can all die, which is why we must be vigilant in protecting our marriages. We must cultivate them.
When things are going ravishingly well, we must work at it. When dry and difficult times come we must work at it.
Admitting that our bodies are mortal does not mean that we want to die prematurely. The same is true for marriages. When I was married I made a promise to stay that way until death separated us and I meant it.
Denying that my marriage is mortal doesn’t make that promise any stronger. It does not make my marriage stronger, in fact I think it makes it more vulnerable.
I was talking to a seasoned couple the other day. They were relaying a story that had happened to them in their everyday life. They were laughing about it. I asked them if they understood how many couples would have been fighting over the very same thing that they were laughing about. The husband looked…
