By now, you have probably heard about the story involving Philly Karen and a baseball. If not, click this link.
If you just want to read my version of it, here it is. In a baseball game, someone hit a home run. For non-baseball fans, that’s a good thing. Fans typically scramble for the ball to keep it as a souvenir. There is usually a bit of a scrum for the ball. There was a woman who got close to the ball, but didn’t get it into her hands. Another guy picked it up. Walked back to his family, and gave the ball to his son.
The woman followed the man and berated him for taking the ball out of her hands. Something the video makes clear he didn’t actually do.
The story quickly went viral. Many people shared very strong opinions about the woman’s lack of perspective. Many viewed it as though she were taking a ball out of the child’s hand. To be honest, I am in that camp.
I think she was wrong.
This post isn’t about her.
People do silly things all the time, especially at sports events.
The Marlins (one of the teams in the game) took care of the kid, and if this is the worst thing that happens to him in his lifetime, he’ll have had an amazing life.
What I want to talk about is society’s response to the kid’s dad.
Let’s review for a moment, because I think the guy absolutely killed it.
1. A baseball player hits homerun.
2. People try to get to the ball.
3. Weird hairdo Karen lady almost gets the ball.
4. Guy picks it up.
5. Walks it back to his son.
6. They embrace. It’s a beautiful moment.
7. Woman comes over and startles the man, who does a commendable job of controlling his emotions.
8. He explains to her that he got it in the scrum (normal for baseball games).
9. She gets way into his personal space and yells, “No! You took it from me.”
10. He gives her the ball and dismisses her.
11. The announcers on national TV give the woman grief, talking about how she needs to calm down and get some perspective.
12. The Marlins give the kid a goody bag full of cool souvenirs.
13. After the game, the kid meets the player from the Phillies who hit the homerun and is given a signed bat.
14. All’s well that ends well, right? Right?
15. Nope. The internet world starts to berate the dad for giving the woman the ball and for not “putting her in her place.”
All sorts of memes and opinions are shared about “beta dads.” Blah blah blah
This is where the story takes a wild turn for me.
Why?
Why do we feel that violence is the answer we must turn to?
What do we want from our men?
Do we want them to use their words and avoid all the fights that can be avoided?
Or do we want them to engage in some level of violence over a ball?
This craziness went to such heights that the dad actually felt like he had to issue a response.
This part of the story fascinates me because I am a man. I’m also a father of a boy who is about to turn 13.
I’ve watched a world become what seems to me to be increasingly antagonistic to men.
To me, this guy deserves to be commended.
He did it right.
He explained his position.
The woman was clearly more emotionally involved in the situation.
He realized it was just a baseball—a cool moment, but still just a ball.
He gave the woman the ball and moved on.
I assume he thought he had a good teachable moment for his son. Something, almost all dads are looking to find.
He was right.
The woman was booed out of the stadium.
The Marlins showed up and rewarded his son for the dad making the right choice.
He was in the right to keep the ball.
But—he was wise to give it to the woman.
Even if his son hadn’t gotten the reward, it still would have been the wise choice.
And then people are upset that he didn’t stand up to the woman?
What would that have looked like?
At best, he’s going to waste more time with that woman barking at him. They were there to celebrate his son’s birthday. Does that sound like an enjoyable celebration to you? It does not to me.
This guy chose to give the woman the ball, utilize wisdom and teach his son.
I say, “Kudos to you, Sir.”
Look, I’m not against violence to protect those I love. I’m not a pacifist. But no one was in danger here.
There was no upside to continuing to engage her. It wasn’t working.
Do the wise thing.
Use the moment to teach your son.
Move on.
That’s what he chose. When she first accosted him, he clearly balled his hands into defensive fists, but then responded by talking to her.
I teach my kids that there are three levels of thinking and living. They were first shared with me by a mentor in graduate school.
1. Reactive Thinking. Just doing whatever my emotions and brain tell me to do. We might sum this up to, “Feel it, think it, do it.” Very little thought about outcomes or consequences happens here. Road rage would be a great example of this kind of thinking gone wrong. Reflective thinking is not all bad. There are some things we want to be reactive or rote. We need habits, which is another way to say things that happen without thought. We want to make sure that we are cautious here though.
2. Reflective Thinking. This is thinking that considers the likely consequences of an action. This man clearly engages in this type of thinking in the video. In this level of thinking and living, we realize that simply because we can do something doesn’t mean we should do it. In this level of thinking, we might feel road rage but choose not to act on it.
3. Moral Reasoning. Moral reasoning tends to be a bit more fluid for people. As a pluralistic society, we tend to have a wide range of morals. But this is where we decide if something is right, regardless of the consequences that might happen from an action. In other words, I might be able to do something and not experience bad consequences, but the question becomes, is what I’m doing aligned with my morals?
The beautiful truth of these three ideals is that number three can influence how we operate in number two and number one. Our moral reasoning should and does affect our reflective thinking. And, our reflective thinking should train our reactive thinking.
The truth is that I think this incident is a relatively rare event, but I do believe that it will become more common in the coming years.
We seem to be prioritizing the individual’s rights over the common good more frequently in society today. From that perspective, the woman’s actions don’t seem quite as egregious—she was simply standing up for what she believed was her right.
I completely reject that notion. I also believe that I am in a quickly shrinking minority.
We seem to have moved to a space where every disagreement is a justice issue. And violence is allowed if a person is offended. Make no mistake, spinning that man around like she did was an act of violence.
This man chose peace.
I say, “well done.”
May we all go with peace, remembering that we do not have to attend every fight for which we’ve been given an invitation. May we all remember that our strength is proven in the peace we choose. May our hearts be steady, our words calm, and our examples the kind our children will remember with gratitude.
