Here's the second installment answer for Joe Knows. The original post can be found here. Joe Knows is your chance to ask a therapist any question you want to ask but don't want to pay to find the answer.
Here’s how it works:
- People submit a question.
- A question is chosen at random by someone associated with me (or me) solely at our discretion.
- The question is posted and you our readers are given a week to answer and offer advice.
- One week after the original posting, I will post an answer either via video or written blog post.
Here’s last week’s question:
Hi Joe,
My wife and I have four children. Our oldest is 19. She
won't do anything around the house. She has a job that she's kept for
three months now, which is the longest she's ever had a job. She sleeps
until noon most days and won't keep our rules regarding curfew. I'm
tired of beating my head against the wall. I threaten her and end up
taking almost everything away. Nothing has worked. Her mother, who is my
wife, wants to put her on medication but I don't think that's necessary.
What do you think? Help.Tired Father
My Answer:
Hi Tired Father,
It sounds like you're having a hard time adjusting to an older adult. I'm sure that's frustrating. It sounds to me as though you and your daughter are struggling with an issue of unclear and therefore un-agreed upon expectations. Unfortunately, I don't know enough of your situation to really address your child's work ethic or history. It sounds like you might have some concerns about that. Three months is a good amount of time to have kept a job. I would be curious as to how many jobs she's had. Why is this a concern for you.
As for the medication. I am uncertain why they would be necessary based on what you told me about the situation. Does your wife believe that your daughter sleeps in because she is depressed? She might just be sleeping because of the schedule she is keeping? At the end of reading your submission, I realized I simply don't have enough information to be helpful beyond the truth that I think you, your wife, and your daughter need to sit down and have a conversation a what the expectations are for her living in the house. You all need to come to an agreement about those expectations. You also need to come an expectation about what happens when those expectations are not met. These should involve what is expected of you and your wife as well as your daughter.
I wish you the best as you have this conversation and hope that it alleviates some of the current stress.
If you'd like to submit a question to Joe Knows, please do so on my Facebook page, www.facebook.com/joemartinocounseling
You can also find the next question on that page tonight at 8:37pm EST.
