This part of a continuing series on Relational Equity.

Part 1 can be found here

Part 2 can be found here

Part 3 can be found here

Part 4 can be found here

How is relational equity built?

There are a myriad of ways that couples can build equity into their relationship. Being intentional with their time is certainly one of them. Spending a quantity of time together is important. I know we often hear that quality matters more than quantity and for a season of life I agree with that. Certainly, there are times where by and large we have to limit the amount of time that we can spend together. But over the long haul for most couples, quantity will be just as important as quality.

A great exercise to do is to ask your spouse, "What can I do to built equity into our relationship? What are the things I could do that help you to know that I love you and value our relationship?" The trick is then to go and do those things. For Danielle earlier in the chapter, it was helping her with chores around the house. For my wife, it's listening. Doing things that causes the person to be heard, valued and safe is doing things that builds equity into a relationship.

What I’m not saying

I can already hear some guy saying, “See you have to stay with me no matter what I do!” No you don’t. You can choose to leave. If he’s hitting you, leave. Leave right now. Come back to this book. But leave. If your children are being hit, leave. If your partner is flaunting their affairs, leave. If they have an addiction that is terrorizing your family. Leave.

You don’t have to live with someone in order to commit to love them unconditionally. People who are being abused should leave. They do not have to live in that Hell. Sometimes, it is the cold wake up call of someone saying, “That’s it, you can’t do this anymore” that causes people to actually change. I cannot say this strongly enough, if you are in danger, leave.

This concludes this series for now. This material will change over the course of time a little, I imagine.

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