When stress enters the narratives of a relationship, people are often tempted to try and jump directly to problem solving. This is problematic because they are often not in the right place to effectively problem solve. Try the two steps listed below, first. Three Things that Every Healthy Couple Does: 1. De-escalate stress points. In…
The truth is your marriage, my friend’s marriage and my marriage is mortal. They can all die, which is why we must be vigilant in protecting our marriages. We must cultivate them.
When things are going ravishingly well, we must work at it. When dry and difficult times come we must work at it.
Admitting that our bodies are mortal does not mean that we want to die prematurely. The same is true for marriages. When I was married I made a promise to stay that way until death separated us and I meant it.
Denying that my marriage is mortal doesn’t make that promise any stronger. It does not make my marriage stronger, in fact I think it makes it more vulnerable.
I was talking to a seasoned couple the other day. They were relaying a story that had happened to them in their everyday life. They were laughing about it. I asked them if they understood how many couples would have been fighting over the very same thing that they were laughing about. The husband looked…
Two words can change your relationship? Admit it, you’re a touch skeptical. I admit that I was when the principle was first shared with me. But not now, because now I’ve seen it work. When I was in grad school studying to become a counselor, I would often have people engage me via social media…
If you haven't read the book Decivsive yet, you should get it and make the time to read it. I read it last year and started giving it away to people.The book deals with better ways to make decisions. I tend to think that most people underestimate the value of looking at the system that…
As a counselor, I am often tasked with helping people create and experience change in their lives. I often walk this road with couples. I often talk to them about the fact that they have to choose to be vulnerable or to not be vulnerable, but without vulnerability I don't know how change happens. The…
Being in the people helping business is one of the most interesting tightropes I have ever walked. On the one hand, I want to help people. On the other hand, I want to pay my bills. I have a bias towards the actual field of counseling. Not all counseling is done by counselors. Some is…
Part one can be found here. Part two can be found here. Focus on the positives If you are fighting with your spouse a lot, chances are good that you are focusing on the negatives. Let’s say that your husband has been promising to get something done in the backyard for months. You keep bringing…
Conflict is something we all have in life. No matter how good the relationship, people disagree. Typically, we do everything we can to avoid conflict. Some people use aggression to blow the conflict up while others use passiveness and run away. Probably most of us fit somewhere in the middle of those two positions. But…
A friend shared this on my facebook wall. What are your thoughts as you watch it?
