I want to lose 50 pounds….
I want to write a novel…
I want to travel to France…
I want to help children in Africa…
I want to start a small business…
I want my marriage to be better than it is…
I want my relationship with my child/parent to be restored…
We all have a lot of wants in our life. Most people know what they want. Even when they tell me they don’t know what they want. I usually push back a little bit. Most of the time what we want is the easy question.
The much more difficult question is what are we willing to pay to achieve what we want?
Think about the adult that says they want to go back to school but they don’t have time. What that usually means is that they don’t the time to go back to school and keep doing the things that they are currently doing. In other words, they’re not willing to pay that price.
The couple that says they want their marriage to be restored, but they are not going to apologize or forgive. What are they really saying? I won’t pay that price.
It’s important that we are honest about the price we are willing to pay. The good news is that we decide what we’ll pay. The bad news is that we are not always forthright about it.
Everything costs something.
What do you want out of your life? What are you willing to pay for it? Knowing where that ceiling is at is important. It gives you the parameters from which you’ll be operating.
I am convinced that one of the reasons people rarely see real lasting change is due to the fact that they are unwilling to pay the price necessary to achieve that change. They are not willing to push through their feelings and work on their marriage. They are not willing to pick up the phone, call their child/parent and be the first one to apologize.
This is a problem because we will often make statements about what we will do without actually considering the cost of doing whatever it is that we are promising.
So we volunteer…
We start dating…
We offer to forgive…
We promise to love someone forever in sickness and in health, good times and bad times…
We have children…
We get married…
We start a business…
We start writing a book…
We take a risk…
We say I love you…
We join a civic organization…
We start a diet…
We start exercising…
We quit…
Yes, we quit because the price becomes too high. If we had taken the opportunity to consider the cost before we started we might not have ever began the journey.
Think about the person who says they want their marriage to work but they simply cannot forgive. How does a marriage work where there isn’t forgiveness?
Think about the spouse who was caught cheating and now refuses to have total transparency. How does that marriage work?
It doesn’t.
That’s actually a person who would rather be divorced than do what is necessary to stay married.
In life what do you want is only part of the equation.
I actually think the most important question is what are you willing to pay to get it?
