Occasionally, I run into people who will ask me if I know of “one thing” that will improve their marriage? Isn’t there “one thing” we can do that will save our marriage. I almost always tell them no.
Then I proceed to tell them that there is many things that they can do that will improve their relationship. I also tell them there is one thing that often really helps a relationship improve no matter where it is in terms of health.
If you do this one thing, consistently it will work. It’s guaranteed to work if you stick with it and do it long enough.
If you want your relationship to improve you need to find positive things to focus on with your partner. You must speak words of affirmation to your spouse regularly.
An ancient writer wrote that the tongue has the power of life and death.
I believe that you literally speak meaning into people. If you focus on your spouses shortcomings, those shortcomings will increase. If you focus on your spouses strengths they will increase. The more thankful you are to your spouse for the things they are doing or trying to do (even if they are not done to your exacting standards) the more they will try to do.
Be genuine in your praise but work hard to find many things that you can praise your spouse for. Don’t talk about just what they are or were but what they can become. Share with them why you fell in love with them. Do this regularly. When they do something that is positive, praise it.
Tell them thank you.
It seems crazy, right? But does it? Think about your own life. Are you more motivated by criticism or by praise? Are you more likely to think positively of someone who finds reasons to praise you or someone who is constantly being negative with you. We all make mistakes. We all have shortcomings. Almost everyone is desperately insecure and in need of affirmation.
When you become that source of genuine affirmation you will improve the relationship guaranteed.