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The Emotionally Secure Couple: Chapter One

ByJoe Martino

Then we try to soothe our pain. We try to soothe it by working out or making millions of dollars or getting involved in church. We try to outdo our shame, falsely believing that we can outrun it through activity. The net result becomes a heaping of shame on top of shame. Our activity does not do away with our shame; instead, it numbs our response to it. A numb soul tends to be numb to everything. This causes us to pick activities that keep us from connecting with someone else, which causes us to experience more shame.

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Your Marriage is Mortal, It can die. You Can Keep It Alive

ByJoe Martino

The truth is your marriage, my friend’s marriage and my marriage is mortal. They can all die, which is why we must be vigilant in protecting our marriages. We must cultivate them.
When things are going ravishingly well, we must work at it. When dry and difficult times come we must work at it.
Admitting that our bodies are mortal does not mean that we want to die prematurely. The same is true for marriages. When I was married I made a promise to stay that way until death separated us and I meant it.
Denying that my marriage is mortal doesn’t make that promise any stronger. It does not make my marriage stronger, in fact I think it makes it more vulnerable.

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The Expectations Trap | Psychology Today

ByJoe Martino

Attuned to disappointment and confused about its source, we wind up discarding perfectly good relationships. People work themselves up over "the ordinary problems of marriage, for which, by the way, they usually fail to see their own contributions," via www.psychologytoday.com This is a long and interesting article. I think the money quote is quoted above….