Four questions you should be asking when you find yourself in conflict with a loved one (or anyone for that matter).

1. What do I want in this situation?

This one seems so obvious, but I have found many times that people cannot articulate what exactly what it is that they want in a given conflict. They can't explain what would satisfy them. When this is true, it is obviously difficult for the other person to know how to help the situation move to that place.

2. What does the other person want in this situation?

Again, seems obvious but so many times, people think they know what the other person wants and are quite frankly, wrong.

3. Is is possible that we can both get what we want?

Usually, we'll have to move on to number four, but sometimes it is possible for both people to get what they want. This is why the first two are so important.

4. What is a possible compromise for us in this situation?

Giving a little for both people is a great and healthy way to build a positive relationship.

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