Have you ever been hurt by someone you cared about? Have you ever been annoyed by someone you could care less about? Have you ever looked at someone's actions or activities and thought, "What in the world are they thinking? I think we all have some part of these elements in our history.

We have a friend that is always telling the monster size lies. We have the family member that seems stuck in a destructive way of communication. We all have________________ (you can fill in the blank here on your own). 

Here are five questions I think we would all benefit from learning to ask of our life with these people.

  1. Why? (As in why do they do what they are doing)
  2. What is gained? (What do they gain by doing what they are doing? or What would be gained if what they wanted to happen would happen?)
  3. What is the goal? (What are they hoping to achieve?)
  4. What is that they are really after?
  5. What can I do about it?

Try it. If you have a family member/friend/colleague that simply seems to be hell bent on making your life miserable, run the sitution through this lens and see what you come up with in regards to udnerstanding the situation from that person's point of view.

Similar Posts

| | |

Change, Vulnerability, Shame and Brené Brown

ByJoe Martino

As a counselor, I am often tasked with helping people create and experience change in their lives. I often walk this road with couples. I often talk to them about the fact that they have to choose to be vulnerable or to not be vulnerable, but without vulnerability I don't know how change happens. The…