What if our efforts to help people are teaching them they can’t handle life?Nobody wants to watch someone they love struggle. But when we keep removing discomfort, lowering expectations, or stepping in to make everything easier, what are we actually teaching them about themselves?This week, Erica and I talk about how accommodation culture can hurt…
A few weeks ago, I wrote about waking up at 2am and having my brain offer a rather thorough explanation of everything wrong with my life. There were real problems, failures and setbacks. There was relational loss. My brain had material to work with, and it was happy to put in the overtime. I wrote…
If you’ve read American Prometheus, you know that after helping create the atomic bomb, J. Robert Oppenheimer began warning the government about the consequences of the nuclear arms race. Rather than seriously considering what he had to say, powerful people worked to discredit and silence him. Reading the book got me thinking about how often…
We Can’t Even Call It Failure Anymore The University of Michigan recently announced that beginning in the fall of 2027, first-semester freshmen in its College of Literature, Science, and the Arts will no longer have letter grades recorded on their transcripts. Instead, their transcripts will show one of two designations: pass or no credit. Not…
Somehow, summer is almost over. School is about to start, and for a lot of students (and their parents), that means new battles with anxiety. Sometimes, it also means a lack of desire dressed up as anxiety. What should a parent do? How do we handle the stress that comes with the start of a…
Last week, I wrote about the difference between discomfort and being unsafe. You can read that post here. This is post 2 in what will probably be a four-part series. Ideally, this will grow into a full-length book. The outline is almost done; the writing needs to commence. As I was developing that post, I…
A few weeks ago, I did a podcast on this same topic, if you’d like to listen to that episode, you can find it in your favorite podcast player. Search for episode 352. You can also listen by following this link. As a therapist, I’ve watched certain phrases rise and fall in popularity over the…
Summer is almost over. For many that means it’s time to buy new spikes, water bottles and fall sports gear. It’s time to send half of the family north for one game, while the other half goes south for a different game. It’s time to either eat late at night at home or in a…
Today’s episode takes us all the way back to episode one as part of my somewhat sporadic summer review series. We’re revisiting one of the foundational ideas behind almost everything I do as a counselor, consultant, and in my own relationships: emotional security. What is emotional security? Why does it matter? How does it change…
A few years ago, I had a wonderful moment. My oldest daughter was working at her college helping the incoming freshmen during their first week on campus. When she came home, I asked her how the day had gone. “UGH! I told one of the freshmen something and I sounded just like you! I heard…
