Nothing in life will invite us to more regret than parenting. There are so many times, that no matter how it plays out, you and I will be tempted to think about the 3 million other ways we could have gone. But what happens when you know you really made a mistake? I address that situation in this video.
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Obviously, the counselor is not that well trained and did not get a very good education. Her ears must be plugged, or she’s just a terrible listener. So the client tries again to explain that while he really does need to make a few changes what really needs to happen is:
If you had a friend that talked to you like you do, would you still be friends?
You’re not an idiot because something bad happened like you lost $100 that you can’t afford to lose. You’re not shameful because someone molested or raped you as a child. You didn’t deserve to be raped because you were drunk at a party. Your worth isn’t diminished because your father didn’t know how to adequately love you. You’re not worthless because your mom took every chance she could to remind you that you were an accident that wasn’t planned.
I do not believe you are an accident. I do believe you have worth.
Dear Fellow Dads, you will grieve and it’s ok.
As I prepare for my oldest to transition into her twenties, I imagine I will miss her teenage years. The thing about grief is that it doesn’t mean that you don’t want the next phase to happen. Grief just means that you can recognize how awesome the last phase was and how much you will miss it. Once my son hits the teen stage, the next Martino I snuggle will probably be a grandchild and that won’t be for a while (probably). And it will different.