Trust is not earned, it is given. What happens when it is given.

When a relationship has trust as a pillar, it becomes a relationship that can withstand the slower seasons of marriage.

What happens when trust is the driver of a relationship. Before I answer that, let me ask you a question. Take a few moments to answer and see if you can remember a few real life instances that back up your answer. When something is said in your relationship and it can be taken either in a good or bad way how is it taken? Relationships that have trust as a pillar tend to be far higher on the taken in the best possible way.

Trust is assuming that the other person is doing the best possible thing for the relationship and each other.

Mistakes happen and more easily processed because the trust factor. Mistakes, fights and missteps will always be a part of every relationship’s narrative but trust helps each person navigate those problems.

My sense is that no one expects perfection but when a lack of trust enters the relationship, fear begins to run rampant in the relationship.

Trust is the antidote to the relationship poison that is fear.

Trust is built one step at a time between two people.

But trust is not earned. I know, I know. You just told me that I’m wrong as you read those words. You may even be considering just walking away and ranting. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Trust is given.

There is always something more we can make the person do to “earn” our trust. There is always something more that we can hold out over them. Ultimately, we have to decide to give trust or to withhold it.

I have to give my wife trust and she has to give me trust or there is no trust.

I think this is one of the biggest problems with relationships that are in trouble. The person who has been hurt (often it’s both) waits until they feel like the other person has earned their trust. What they typically mean is that they are waiting for the other person to do something that is going to make their fear of being hurt go away.

But it will not.

In order for trust for to be trust it has to be given with the possibility that it will fail. It has to scare the person who is giving it. If it doesn’t bring a little fear, it’s not trust.

Eventually, of course, trust becomes part of the relationship to the degree that there really is no fear. This is the relational equity aspect that I talked about earlier. As trust builds and the relational equity grows the trust becomes a bigger influence or driver in the relationship.

When this happens, love and respect can grow like roots for a healthy relationship.